Category: MY MOTHERHOOD

My firstborn

My dearest first born,

Thank you for being patient with me. Everything you are experiencing is new to me too.

Thank you for being the “tester” in our family. The one we learn with. The one that has tried all breastfeeding positions, all nappy/bottle/formula/wipe brands, routines and discipline strategies.

Thank you for keeping me grounded. For always reminding me of the important things in life.

Thank you for making us slow down to stop and experience life through your eyes.

Sorry for the times we let you down. For the times we didn’t understand what you needed.

Sorry for all the mistakes we have made. For all the times we thought we knew what was best, for the times we didn’t listen.

You and I have something special. We will always be on this rollercoaster ride together.

All our firsts will be experienced together and you will teach me more about life than I will ever be able to show you.

So my dearest first born,

Thank you for making me a mother. My life would not have turned out the way it has if it wasn’t for you.

Sending you love,

MBS

xx

One Word

If you could sum up Motherhood in one word, what would it be?

Take some time to think about it.

Factor in ALL your experiences and learning along the way. Now summarise in one word.

___________________________

Motherhood for me is:

“SURPRISING”
From the very first moment when 2 faint lines appeared on numerous tests I was surprised.

As my stomach grew and my body and mind morphed into ways I could never imagine I was surprised.

When the contractions hit and my waters leaked I was surprised. Surprised that the pain wasn’t as bad as I imagined (at first) and that my waters could leak (no gushing like Charlotte in SATC?) 17 hours later the surprise hit again when I couldn’t comprehend how I could possibly still be alive yet be in such excruciating pain.

Surprise! It’s a BOY.

17 months later, surprised I “forgot” the pain..

Surprise! It’s a GIRL.

Each and every day the surprise continues.

I’m surprised at the amount of love and pain I feel through you.

I’m surprised with how you make me feel like the luckiest yet loneliest person at the same time.

I’m surprised with how I can go from “poster mum” to “crazy psycho mum” within minutes.

I’m surprised with the patience I find during your tantrums and at times with the tears I cry instead.

I’m surprised by your abilities that continue to flourish and develop each day right before my eyes.

I’m surprised with how proud and honoured I feel when I hear myself coming out through you.

I’m surprised with how easy and then how difficult some days are to get through but how quickly time can pass.

I’m surprised with the amount of guilt I feel about whether I’m doing enough, have done enough or are making the right choices for you.

I’m surprised with the fear, yet joy I feel for all you will achieve in your future.

Everything you do, all we experience, the big and small things surprise me each and every day.

I never knew how much my life would change until I had you, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m surprised that after all the tantrums, screaming, tears and sleep deprivation, all I need is a smile, kiss or cuddle to perfectly end my day.

So, what was your one word?

How would you sum up Motherhood?

Sending you love,

MBS

xx

Self Love

I, many times, since becoming a mum have preached the “self love” argument.

I truely believe it is SO important and one of the fundamental components of raising healthy children.  Ultimately this is why I preach it. For my kids. I never want them to feel unloved. I never want them to hate parts of themselves.  I never want them to look in the mirror and hate what they see.

And so, I preach self love and acceptance on a daily basis. (Monkey see, monkey do.)

However for ME practicing self love is easier said than done. I say it, post it, write it but deep down I don’t ultimately believe all aspects of it with myself.

Everytime I jump in the shower I look in the mirror and hate what I see.

I look at the body that literally gave life to the two kids laughing inside, or sweetly tucked into their beds and my mind starts…

YUCK.

That’s disgusting.

How fat are you?!!

Is that another roll on your stomach?

What’s that mark?

Your SO fat even your undies leave marks on you.

Your thighs are still touching!

When did your boobs get so saggy?

Look how old your face looks!

Are those wrinkles?

The light really makes your grey hair show.

And it continues….

Almost everyday this occurs.

Most days my common sense will kick in and snap me out of it.

“STOP. You gave birth and created two children from this body. If it wasn’t for what you see here they wouldn’t be alive today and your life would not be the same. You’re not 18 anymore, you’re almost 30!” Alot has changed in life since you were 18 so obviously this body has followed suit!

But it really got me thinking…. Am I alone in this battle? Am I the only one being a hypocrite about the whole “self love” movement?

On the grand scale of things I have come to accept my body and its changes but I don’t love it. And to be honest I don’t know if I ever will.

I’m not comparing it to anyone elses body. I’m not wishing I had a Kim K ass or Pamela Andersons boobs. I don’t jump on every new fitness craze and hope for a thinner waist and wider booty. I just look in the mirror and wish for my old body back. MY OWN pre mum bod. The one that wasn’t as flabby, loose or scarred.

I don’t care what others think. It’s a battle with myself. Not with other people’s opinions.  You can tell me how good I look after 2 kids a thousand times a day and I won’t believe you. You can also tell me how fat I am and I won’t listen.

My battle is not with YOUR opinion of me. It’s with my OWN opinion of myself. No-one can change this but me. It’s part of MY self love journey. One I still need to work on. I may not LOVE what I see, but I LOVE what it gave me, so I have perspective. 

The term “self love” gets thrown around so often and it’s actual definition encompasses so much more than we know.

One thing I have realised is that self love means something different for each person. We all have different ways in which we show ourselves love and appreciation. The more we experience and mature in life, the more self love we develop.

“Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows by actions that mature us.” – Deborah Khoshaba

Practicing self love can be challenging and it’s different for everyone. Some days it may be meditation, healthy eating and yoga, whereas for others it looks like binge watching TV shows in their pjs.

For some it may be saying NO and cutting ties, whereas for others it means saying YES to something new.

Whatever it looks like, whatever it is, you must make it a priority for YOU.

How do you practice “self love”?

Sending you love,

MBS

xx